but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
