Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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