I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
