Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
it was like eating out sand paper
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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