Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Life is so much better after having sex.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
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Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
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I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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