Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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