It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
