YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
