you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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