i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
