Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
