i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
