do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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