we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
