So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Randomize
