This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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