Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
