Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
