If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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