your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
