She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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