I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
