Well douche your snatch and let's go!
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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