don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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