Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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