we need to drink 2009 down the drain
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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