shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
