Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
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