I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Randomize
