Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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