yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
