I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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