so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
