She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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