so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
