I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
BRING THE BAGELS
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Randomize
