I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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