No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
