Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
It was confusing and full of hummus
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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