i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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