i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
