You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
