i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
