Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
