i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
