We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
