I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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