i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
