Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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