He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
