They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
