Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
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