He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
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