been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
