i just wanna soil my oats bro
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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