fuck your aforementioned shoe
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
