Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
