I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
