my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Everything about him screamed your future.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
