watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
