New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
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Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
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we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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