In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
