Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
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They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
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Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
i think im in europe. pls send help
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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