there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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