Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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