Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
