so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
