I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
