I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
