Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.