i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
