u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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