I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
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