drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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