remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize