I'm pants shitting drunk right now
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
